Male Man
by albe-chan
Summary: Sirius has a package to deliver. Remus hasn't a pen, so is forced to resort to an 'oral contract'. But will the package fit in Remus' mail slot? RLSB. SLASH. ONESHOT. MATURE. SMUT. For Decimare. Cheers. Expect innuendo, silliness and explicitness!


**Male Man**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for some sexual content, violence and language. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

_**WARNING:**_ WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male)!! Ye be warned

**Author's Note: **Another naughty little plot bunny that popped up from talking to my lovely friend StrawberryPunk. And so here you are. Expect innuendo, lotsa dirty language, overall silliness, and explicit-y-ness. Cheers.

---------

"Mr. Lupin, I have a package for you."

Remus looked up of his morning _Prophet_ and choked a little on his orange juice. "Sirius, why are you naked?"

"I've told, you; I have a very special delivery for you."

Remus rolled his eyes. Even after nine years of knowing Sirius Black, two of said years being his lover/boyfriend/person, he was still amazed at the lengths the man would go to just to get Sex.

"I haven't a pen to sign for it. Go put clothes on and come eat breakfast." He went back to his paper. Not that Sirius naked wasn't a lovely sight, but…well he saw it often enough.

Sirius came up and pressed himself against the werewolf instead. "But how can I put my package in your mail box if you don't sign for it? How about just an oral contract?"

Then Sirius hands lowered and caressed the part of Remus' buttocks that was not covered by chair.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus gasped as the Animagus' hands slid into the hem of his pyjama pants.

"Checking the mail chute. I want to make sure my package will fit in there."

"If you don't go and get dressed, then you won't get the chance to find out." But he didn't really mean it. Sirius lips had started kissing a dangerous trail (one they had traveled before) down the sensuous line of neck into shoulder, moving aside the loose, overlarge t-shirt to get more skin. Remus groaned against his better judgment, as Sirius had slid around and caressed the traitorous hardness of his cock.

Then Remus reached around and grabbed his head, pulling him down and kissing him fiercely. Tongues and lips fought for dominance while hands fondled boldly. Sirius reached out and pulled the shirt right over Remus' head, breaking the kiss momentarily.

"I think we may just have to have to have an oral contract after all," Remus whispered huskily, turning. Padfoot straightened as he realized Remus' intentions. Oh, he'd known the werewolf would come round… Then he laughed to himself as he made the pun in his mind over 'coming'.

Then thoughts began superfluous as Remus took his now raging hard-on into his mouth, licking and sucking with practiced ease. Sirius groaned. "Mmm…fuck yeah. Sign that oral contract…"

Remus barely restrained himself from snorting at this. It might have been awkward with his mouth full at any rate. And as his mouth ran the length of Sirius' now throbbing arousal, his fingers gently cupped, caressed and massaged the heavy sac of his testes; he realized he didn't want to have his boyfriend's phallus choking him to death. Then he moaned and Sirius felt the vibrations from that sexy and rough larynx rumbling up and down his cock, making him groan and pant.

"Fuck Remus, I'm fucking close…" he murmured absently, and then Remus was pulling away. "What? No, don't stop! You need to seal the deal!" Remus merely smiled as he stood, _Daily Prophet_ and orange juice long forgotten. Then his pyjama pants fluttered to the floor, and his erection sprang free. Sirius grinned. "You kinky devil you."

Then Remus looked at him. "Well? Should we check to make certain your package will fit in my mail slot?" Then he kissed him, and their arms went around one another. Then Sirius was pushing him back toward the table, the cup of orange juice slopping onto the paper with the force of the bump. Then Remus was turning, and bending and Sirius was pressing hot hard fingers into his backside roughly, twisting them and flexing the, as Remus moaned, eyes closing in ecstasy.

"You like that?" Sirius whispered roughly over his ear, bending with him, pressing the length of his cock against Remus' thigh. Remus whimpered. "Yeah, you do, don't you?"

Then fingers were withdrawn, replaced by something altogether bigger and longer and much more pleasurable. "Unh, fuck…"

And then Sirius pulled out, plunging himself in again, up to the hilt as Remus clenched the edge of the breakfast table, moaning and whimpering as Sirius' hard cock caressed and prodded his prostate again and again.

"Oh yes, fuck Mooney…how does it always feel like it's your first fucking time?" Sirius growled and he pummeled him. Remus couldn't find words as he tried to remain standing on trembling legs. He gripped the table harder as Sirius thrust in and out at a dizzying pace, pushing them both further toward that fucking glorious release.

Then, all of a sudden, without warning or pretence, Sirius reached around, grasping Remus cock, and wanking it as hard as he could, in time with his thrusting, and the next second Remus was coming and Sirius was still riding him before he found his own explosive orgasm. Remus couldn't take it; he collapsed in a pile of jelly-like limbs on the floor, stick with sweat and…other things.

Sirius, whom he had apparently dragged down with him, smiled at him. "I think it will fit fine."

"You can stop now. You've gotten what you wanted."

Sirius looked offended. "Remus! Neither rain nor snow, nor sleet nor hot unbearable sun could keep me from my appointed duty. Besides, I haven't gotten to lick the stamp yet."

Remus rolled his eyes. "What's with the mailman thing anyway?"

"Not mail man, love, Male man."

FIN

---------

**Author's Note: **I kept getting sidetracked and this took ages. But here it is. Me being perv-y. Hoped you liked the smut. Love and Cheers.

P.S. – Does anyone know how the mailman thing ACTUALLY goes?


End file.
